[UbuntuWomen] on names, language and a request for advice

[Jan Claeys]

Op dinsdag 19-02-2008 om 13:20 uur [tijdzone -0500], schreef Emma Jane
Hogbin:
> I decided the only real way to deal with my concern was to go to the
> source of my concern. I sent stupidgirl a private message that read,
> "I'm part of the Ubuntu Women project. I just wanted to drop you a
> little note to say that I find your name jarring. I don't think it helps
> to provide positive language for women in technology." It turned into a
> lovely discussion. I helped her with the question she'd been asking
> earlier and pointed her at a bunch of resources and provided support
> while she tried to fix her problem (ultimately she solved the problem
> using a different approach and without my help the next day).
> 
> Once she was settled on how to tackle her problem I asked, "So now that
> I've done you a favour with the instructions... can I ask for a favour?
> Your nick... I really do think it doesn't help to give women in FOSS
> positive language/role models/etc." And with that she changed her name
> and was using her revised name today when I logged into #ubuntu-women. I
> am delighted beyond words that such a simple action on my part created
> the change that I wanted to see.

This is a really nice and inspiring story...  :-)


> I understand that the volunteer staff do not have the time to address
> everyone's concerns. I understand they make choices based on what they
> feel is important to the rest of the community. But they have all signed
> a Code of Conduct that requires them to be respectful. Dismissing my
> concerns as "emotional" is not respectful. Every day I scan thousands
> upon thousands of words. Emails, Web pages, text-based chatrooms,
> reports. I am affected by what I see on screen. I am sure that others
> are too.

Remember that not everybody's ideas of what "respect" is are the same.
E.g. to me, respect is also respecting other people's ideas.
To me, the nickname 'stupidgirl' would be perfectly allowable, as long
as it's not used with the _intention_ to hurt females.

I've seen several other people using nicks like "ubuntunoob" and
similar.  It's a way some people use to indicate their inexperience.
It's a way to defend yourself against accusations of asking dumb
questions before asking them ("I warned you").
Why would we want to forcibly take away that "defence"?
What we need to do is make them feel as if they don't need it anymore.

Now, about the ops calling your intervention emotional.... Do I think
your reaction was emotional?  Yes, I do.  They should know that calling
you emotional won't help in any way though--at least not at that moment.
It's clear that you were both using the same rules, but your
interpretations of the rules weren't entirely the same.  This makes it
impossible or at least very difficult to convince the "other side", so
people get annoyed... and both sides get emotional.


> And now for the questions:
> (1) do you think derogatory names impact our perception of that group?

Everything we do or say impacts someones perception.  But remember that
not all people perceive the same thing equally.

I'm sure we can easily find females who are offended by the contested
nickname, as well as females who would be offended if that nickname
would be banned.

> (2) do you think names like "stupidgirl" should be permitted?

Yes, provided they are not intended to insult other people.

> (3) how can we create a positive space (for women) without censoring people?

Treat them like any other person?  (That's what I try to do.)

> (4) how would you have addressed the problem with the #ubuntu-ops
> channel so they understood my concern (clearly I was not effective,
> pointers are appreciated)?

I don't think there was a direct violation of the rules, so the ops
couldn't/shouldn't use their "powers" to force things.

In other words, I think the ops aren't the people who should do anything
about something like this, but I also think you did the right thing by
talking to her and convincing her.  The ops could do what you did, but
they only should if they feel the same about it as you do.

> (5) are there further actions that I should take (including addressing
> the issue directly with the IRC Council)?

Well, considering that everything seemingly ended well, you can tell
your story, to show other people what did work, and what didn't
work?  ;-)

I think the morale of this story is: don't force people to do something,
but convince them to do it.



PS: it's 4am here now, so I hope this mail still makes sense...[1]

[1] Yes, of course this is my line of defence against having said stupid
things!   ;-)


-- 
Jan Claeys