ubuntu-doc Digest, Vol 61, Issue 34

Wed Oct 28 11:15:03 UTC 2009

Hi Steve,

Why "on the server"?

> Users requiring a longer support lifetime on the server may choose to
> continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather
> than upgrading to 9.10.

doesn't the statement apply to the Desktop edition too? (albeit only until
2011)

Best regards,
Alan

>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 5
> Date: Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:20:20 -0700
> From: Steve Langasek <steve.langasek at canonical.com>
> Subject: Re: request for review of Ubuntu 9.10 release candidate
>        announcement
> To: Kyle Nitzsche <kyle.nitzsche at canonical.com>
> Cc: rick.spencer at canonical.com, Matt Zimmerman <mdz at ubuntu.com>,
>        ubuntu-doc at lists.ubuntu.com, thierry.carrez at canonical.com,
>        gerry.carr at canonical.com, david.mandala at canonical.com
> Message-ID: <20091027112020.GA19639 at dario.dodds.net>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
>
> Hi Kyle,
>
> Sorry, I didn't have time to respond to these comments before sending out
> the RC announcement; let's take a look at what we can do to improve the
> final release announcement.
>
> On Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 11:54:10AM -0400, Kyle Nitzsche wrote:
> > A few more minor style/usage points (sorry, I should have put them all in
> > a single email).
>
> > * Extra "the" before "Ubuntu Netbook Remix":
> > The Ubuntu team is pleased to announce the Release Candidate for Ubuntu
> > 9.10 Desktop and Server editions, Ubuntu 9.10 Server for UEC and EC2, and
> > the Ubuntu Netbook Remix.
>
> > Consider:
> > The Ubuntu team is pleased to announce the Release Candidate for Ubuntu
> > 9.10 Desktop and Server editions, Ubuntu 9.10 Server for UEC and EC2, and
> > Ubuntu Netbook Remix.
>
> Right, this was my doing; I thought it read better with the article, but
> I'm
> not attached to it by any means, and will omit this for the final release
> announcement.
>
> > (I also think "Release Candidate" should be lower cased, as it is later
> in
> > the text, since strictly unnecessary capitalization is often read as
> > hype.)
>
> You're right that this shouldn't have been capitalized here, because it's
> not being used as a proper name.  ("Ubuntu 9.10 Release Candidate", but
> "the
> release candidate for Ubuntu 9.10".)  Sorry, will try to get that right
> next
> time around.
>
> > * "startup times" should perhaps be singular:
> > Ubuntu 9.10 Desktop Edition improves on the work of 9.04 to get you going
> > faster, with improved startup times and a streamlined boot experience.
>
> > Consider:
> > Ubuntu 9.10 Desktop Edition improves on the work of 9.04 to get you going
> > faster, with an improved startup time and a streamlined boot experience.
>
> I disagree with this because startup times vary across hardware and even
> across multiple reboots of a single machine, and I think "an improved
> startup
> time" would mislead users into expecting a /particular/ level of
> performance.
>
> > * "upgrade" should be "upgrading":
> > Users requiring a longer support lifetime on the server may choose to
> > continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather
> > than upgrade to 9.10.
>
> > Consider:
> > Users requiring a longer support lifetime on the server may choose to
> > continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather
> > than upgrading to 9.10.
>
> I think both are valid constructions; the current text scans as "Users
> [...]
> may choose to [...] rather than [choosing to] upgrade [...]", but I'm happy
> to change this - done for the final announcement.
>
> > * "lifetime" should perhaps be "period":
> > Users requiring a longer support lifetime on the server may choose to
> > continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather
> > than upgrading to 9.10.
>
> > Consider:
> > Users requiring a longer support period on the server may choose to
> > continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather
> > than upgrading to 9.10.
>
> We speak of software life cycles, and when we stop supporting a release we
> send out an "end of life" announcement; I think "lifetime" is suitable
> here,
> and gives it more flavor than "period".
>
> > * "release sees" is non-standard:
> > This release sees the first technology preview of Kubuntu Netbook.
>
> > Consider:
> > This release includes the first technology preview of Kubuntu Netbook.
>
> "non-standard" - it's anthropomorphism; I don't think figures of speech are
> something to be avoided in community announcements, fwiw.
>
> > * Missing comma before "please:
> > Before installing or upgrading to Ubuntu 9.10 please review the
> > instructions and caveats in the release notes.
>
> > Consider:
> > Before installing or upgrading to Ubuntu 9.10, please review the
> > instructions and caveats in the release notes.
>
> Right - noted for next time.
>
> > * Missing "that", improvable phraseology:
> > In addition, there are a small number of known bugs in the release
> > candidate that will be fixed before the Ubuntu 9.10 release, but warrant
> > highlighting for your attention.
>
> > Consider:
> > In addition, there are a small number of known bugs in the release
> > candidate that will be fixed before the Ubuntu 9.10 release that warrant
> > highlighting for your attention.
> > Or:
> > In addition, there are a small number of known bugs in the release
> > candidate that will be fixed before the Ubuntu 9.10 release. These bugs
> > warrant highlighting for your attention.
>
> I think the original scans better than either of the proposed substitutes,
> the first using stacked relative clauses with "that" and the latter losing
> the subordinate flavor.
>
> On Wed, Oct 21, 2009 at 11:10:47AM -0400, Kyle Nitzsche wrote:
> > Minor usage point on the following:
>
> > "The Ubuntu 9.10 family of variants, Kubuntu, Xubuntu, Edubuntu,
> > Ubuntu Studio, and Mythbuntu, also reach RC status today."
>
> > A list is not usually preceded by a comma. Consider a colon or
> > parentheses, as in:
> > "The Ubuntu 9.10 family of variants also reach RC status today:
> > Kubuntu, Xubuntu, Edubuntu, Ubuntu Studio, and Mythbuntu."
>
> > Or:
> > "The Ubuntu 9.10 family of variants (Kubuntu, Xubuntu, Edubuntu,
> > Ubuntu Studio, and Mythbuntu) also reach RC status today."
>
> > And there's a subject-verb number mismatch in the same sentence. The
> > subject is "family", not "variants, so the verb should be "reaches",
> > not "reach," as in
>
> > "The Ubuntu 9.10 family of variants (Kubuntu, Xubuntu, Edubuntu,
> > Ubuntu Studio, and Mythbuntu) also reaches RC status today."
>
> Strictly speaking there is an agreement error, yes, but English is a
> forgiving language when it comes to such constructions and I'm not sure
> it's
> actually better that way.  I also don't think we should use parentheses
> here; it should always be permissible to omit a parenthetical without
> changing the meaning, but here it would contain key information.  I think
> the appositive form is more appropriate, in spite of the succession of
> commas.
>
> Thanks for the feedback!  The final release announcement draft will also be
> posted shortly for comment.
>
> --
> Steve Langasek                   Give me a lever long enough and a Free OS
> Debian Developer                   to set it on, and I can move the world.
> Ubuntu Developer                                    http://www.debian.org/
> slangasek at ubuntu.com                                     vorlon at debian.org
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
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>
> End of ubuntu-doc Digest, Vol 61, Issue 34
> ******************************************
>
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