request for review of Ubuntu 9.10 release candidate announcement

[Kyle Nitzsche]

A few more minor style/usage points (sorry, I should have put them all in a single email):

* Extra "the" before "Ubuntu Netbook Remix":
The Ubuntu team is pleased to announce the Release Candidate for Ubuntu 9.10 Desktop and Server editions, Ubuntu 9.10 Server for UEC and EC2, and the Ubuntu Netbook Remix.

Consider:
The Ubuntu team is pleased to announce the Release Candidate for Ubuntu 9.10 Desktop and Server editions, Ubuntu 9.10 Server for UEC and EC2, and Ubuntu Netbook Remix.

(I also think "Release Candidate" should be lower cased, as it is later in the text, since strictly unnecessary capitalization is often read as hype.)

* "startup times" should perhaps be singular:
Ubuntu 9.10 Desktop Edition improves on the work of 9.04 to get you going faster, with improved startup times and a streamlined boot experience.

Consider:
Ubuntu 9.10 Desktop Edition improves on the work of 9.04 to get you going faster, with an improved startup time and a streamlined boot experience.

* "upgrade" should be "upgrading":
Users requiring a longer support lifetime on the server may choose to continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather than upgrade to 9.10.

Consider:
Users requiring a longer support lifetime on the server may choose to continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather than upgrading to 9.10.

* "lifetime" should perhaps be "period":
Users requiring a longer support lifetime on the server may choose to continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather than upgrading to 9.10.

Consider:
Users requiring a longer support period on the server may choose to continue using Ubuntu 8.04 LTS, with security support until 2013, rather than upgrading to 9.10.

* "release sees" is non-standard:
This release sees the first technology preview of Kubuntu Netbook.

Consider:
This release includes the first technology preview of Kubuntu Netbook.

* Missing comma before "please:
Before installing or upgrading to Ubuntu 9.10 please review the instructions and caveats in the release notes:

Consider:
Before installing or upgrading to Ubuntu 9.10, please review the instructions and caveats in the release notes:

* Missing "that", improvable phraseology:
In addition, there are a small number of known bugs in the release candidate that will be fixed before the Ubuntu 9.10 release, but warrant highlighting for your attention:

Consider:
In addition, there are a small number of known bugs in the release candidate that will be fixed before the Ubuntu 9.10 release that warrant highlighting for your attention:
Or:
In addition, there are a small number of known bugs in the release candidate that will be fixed before the Ubuntu 9.10 release. These bugs warrant highlighting for your attention:

(I only reviewed the introductory content.)

Cheers,
Kyle





Steve Langasek wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> Here is the draft for the Ubuntu 9.10 release candidate announcement:
>
>   https://wiki.ubuntu.com/KarmicKoala/RCAnnouncement
>
> Please review and advise me of any corrections that should be made.
>
> Thanks,
>