Review of About Kubuntu page

[Thomas R. Jones]

Very nice contribution. A small rebuttal and correction.

Posted inline.

Cheers.
Thomas

Sent from my iPhone

On Nov 27, 2009, at 11:32 AM, Nitesh Mistry <mistrynitesh at gmail.com>  
wrote:

> I just completed the review of the "About Kubuntu" page. Please let  
> me know if there is a better way of submitting suggestions
>
> page source :
> ~ubuntu-core-doc/kubuntu-docs/lucid : /docs/about/C/about.xml  
> (revision 127)
>
> suggestions:
>
> line 17: "philosophy as well as its roots," - should be "its  
> philosophy as well as its roots,"
>
> typo at line 27: "...operating that system that uses..." - word  
> 'that' not need between words 'operating' and 'system'.
>
> line 49-51: "&kubuntu;'s core applications include... and  
> more!" - suggested sentence "&kubuntu;'s core applications  
> include web browser, software for communicating via email, instant  
> messaging, word processing and spreadsheet applications, multimedia  
> player and many more!" - logic: need to mention about instant  
> messaging because of the popularity, rest all changes for easy  
> understanding (commonly used words).
>
> line 59: "The team behind the Ubuntu and &kubuntu; projects..." -->  
> "The team behind the &kubuntu; project makes the following  
> commitment to its users:" - no need to mention Ubuntu as all the  
> items mentioned below is specific to Kubuntu. eg. the first item  
> itself reads as "&kubuntu; will always utilize the solid base of the  
> Ubuntu project...".

"The team behind...makes the following" should be grammatically  
corrected to "make". Team is a single entity. A collection of  
individuals yes. But as such the verb should also be singular.

>
> line 81-83: "&kubuntu; includes the ... possible." --> "&kubuntu;  
> will always include the ... possible." - logic: since philosophy is  
> more like mission statement, it should be in future tense; also more  
> consistent with first two items.
>
> line 88-90: "&kubuntu; is entirely committed ... pass it on." -->  
> "&kubuntu; will always be committed ... pass it on." - logic: same  
> as for lines 81-83
>
> line 101: "required for free operating system" - the word 'free' is  
> not required.
>
> line 137: "Among &kde;'s products are a modern desktop" -->  
> "&kde; provides wide range of products including a modern" - logic:  
> avoid the apostrophe for better translation and also avoid forced  
> gramatical error in writing "are a".
Should read as follows: "&kde; provides a wide range of products...".  
Improper English.

>
> line 140: "Internet" --> "internet" - 'I' should not be capital.
The word "Internet" is a proper noun. As such, it should be  
capitalized. I agree that there should be a serious discussion that  
this word be declared as a common noun. Thusly, rendering it in  
lowercase. However, at this point it is formally not changed and  
should continue to be represented according to global standards with a  
capitalized "I".
>
> line 143: "&kde; 4's full-featured applications" --> "Full- 
> featured applications of &kde; 4" - logic: elemination of apostrophe.
>
> line 152: "&kde;'s Website" --> "Official &kde; Website" -  
> logic: elemination of apostrophe.
>
> Also need to include the "Getting Help" section from previous release:
>
> <sect2 id="kubuntu-help" status="complete">
> <title>Getting help</title>
>
> <para>
> There are various locations for you to receive help with your  
> Kubuntu system. A
> list of the most common locations are found in the <ulink type="help"
> url="help:/kubuntu/getting-help">Getting Help</ulink> section of the  
> Kubuntu
> documentation.
> </para>
> </sect2>
>
>
> Hope this is a good beginning!

Thank you very much. Impressive start.

>
> Regards,
> -- 
> Nitesh
> http://techformyself.blogspot.com
>
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