Ubuntu Videos in Toronto

[Michael Gilson]

Darryl Moore wrote:
> Well, I'm having so much fun, here's another one for ya'
>
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> Scene: Dimly lit corporate boardroom. Smoke filled. Table has a dozen or
> so executives around it. Head of the table has a Bill Gates look alike.
>
> Bill: (banging gabble) Now gentlemen.... and ladies (glancing at a woman
> at the table) I would like to hear our global sales reports... EUROPE?
>
> Executive 1: (stands, trembling slightly) Our figures are up s-s-sir.
> Over 20% over last year. Despite some smaller governments moving to open
> standards we have enough lock in with the major governments that the
> cost converting is more then they are willing to pay.
>
> Bill: (strokes where a beard would be) Good, good. And with the next
> software release those cost will only go up. Mwhahahaha. What about
> patents?
>
> Executive 1: Well, the European parliament didn't pass the bill, but we
> have our people on the inside working on an appeal. Our patent law will
> get passed, it is just going to take a bit longer.
>
> Bill: STAY ON IT!! (sounding sinister) The last thing we need is those
> European pansies blocking the law that we worked so hard to write for
> them. Without software patents in Europe it will be much more difficult
> to keep the cost of changing software up. (pause) Now... CHINA
>
> Executive 2: (stand up) Well, good news in China, both sales and piracy
> are up. We've been able to corner the Chinese government through the WTO
> to buy more software from us. Our vocal complaints about piracy forced
> them to enact stricter laws requiring our software on new equipment.
> Documented piracy on low end machines is also up so we are getting lock
> in with these people as well. As soon as they can afford newer machines
> they will not want anything other than our software.
>
> Bill: Mwahahaha. Good, Good. With stricter piracy laws we win both ways.
> Next. AFRICA
>
> Executive 3: (stand up) Well, sir Africa is a very poor market, so we
> have not been able to sell much at all. However we did give away 3
> billion dollars worth of software last year to schools and governments.
> The actual cost to use was only a few thousand and we were able to write
> off the entire 3 billion as a charity. We have now put off paying any
> corporate income tax well into 2020.
>
> Bill: Excellent. They will get use to doing things our way any when they
> do have some money....well... they can start paying for the privilege.
> AMERICA
>
> Executive 4: Well, America is a mature market that we more or less
> already own. However our share of music and video has increased 200%
> over last year. With more and more people using our software for media,
> the cost of switching away from us is growing exceedingly fast.
>
> Bill: Yes, Yeeeees, it will all be ours. Excellent. CANADA
>
> Executive 4: (cowering under table, peeking head up, trembles but does
> not say anything)
>
> Bill: CANADA.... REPORT
>
> Executive 4: Y-y-y-y-yes s-s-sir. Um the Canadian market is down sir.
> (ducks under table)
>
> Bill: WHAT. WHAT do you mean DOWN????
>
> Executive 4: (rising slightly so that his mouth is above the table) well
> sir, they've all abandoned our software and adopted something called
> Ubuntu. Apparently, it uses all open standards so they can't be locked
> in. It is free. and people can do whatever they want with it, Even copy
> and give it away.
>
> Bill: Freee???? What every they want??? They have to do what I want!
>
> Executive 4: yes sir, umm... but apparently they think their computers
> should do what they want instead, and they've all switched over before
> we've even been able to release our next software with "Ultimate
> Lockdown" (tm) They said something about it being for humans... then
> they... uh... kicked me out
>
> Bill: WHAT??!?!?
>
> Executive 4: (aside) my backside still hurts
>
> ANNOUNCER VOICE OVER: Ubuntu, Software for humans....
>               Copy....
>               share....
>               enjoy....
>
>
>
>   
HAHAHAHA that was brilliant, I hope to read more form you, you should 
make these into comic strips I would love to read something like this as 
a good start to my morning :-)