Ubuntu Videos in Toronto

[Darryl Moore]

Well, I'm having so much fun, here's another one for ya'





Scene: Dimly lit corporate boardroom. Smoke filled. Table has a dozen or
so executives around it. Head of the table has a Bill Gates look alike.

Bill: (banging gabble) Now gentlemen.... and ladies (glancing at a woman
at the table) I would like to hear our global sales reports... EUROPE?

Executive 1: (stands, trembling slightly) Our figures are up s-s-sir.
Over 20% over last year. Despite some smaller governments moving to open
standards we have enough lock in with the major governments that the
cost converting is more then they are willing to pay.

Bill: (strokes where a beard would be) Good, good. And with the next
software release those cost will only go up. Mwhahahaha. What about
patents?

Executive 1: Well, the European parliament didn't pass the bill, but we
have our people on the inside working on an appeal. Our patent law will
get passed, it is just going to take a bit longer.

Bill: STAY ON IT!! (sounding sinister) The last thing we need is those
European pansies blocking the law that we worked so hard to write for
them. Without software patents in Europe it will be much more difficult
to keep the cost of changing software up. (pause) Now... CHINA

Executive 2: (stand up) Well, good news in China, both sales and piracy
are up. We've been able to corner the Chinese government through the WTO
to buy more software from us. Our vocal complaints about piracy forced
them to enact stricter laws requiring our software on new equipment.
Documented piracy on low end machines is also up so we are getting lock
in with these people as well. As soon as they can afford newer machines
they will not want anything other than our software.

Bill: Mwahahaha. Good, Good. With stricter piracy laws we win both ways.
Next. AFRICA

Executive 3: (stand up) Well, sir Africa is a very poor market, so we
have not been able to sell much at all. However we did give away 3
billion dollars worth of software last year to schools and governments.
The actual cost to use was only a few thousand and we were able to write
off the entire 3 billion as a charity. We have now put off paying any
corporate income tax well into 2020.

Bill: Excellent. They will get use to doing things our way any when they
do have some money....well... they can start paying for the privilege.
AMERICA

Executive 4: Well, America is a mature market that we more or less
already own. However our share of music and video has increased 200%
over last year. With more and more people using our software for media,
the cost of switching away from us is growing exceedingly fast.

Bill: Yes, Yeeeees, it will all be ours. Excellent. CANADA

Executive 4: (cowering under table, peeking head up, trembles but does
not say anything)

Bill: CANADA.... REPORT

Executive 4: Y-y-y-y-yes s-s-sir. Um the Canadian market is down sir.
(ducks under table)

Bill: WHAT. WHAT do you mean DOWN????

Executive 4: (rising slightly so that his mouth is above the table) well
sir, they've all abandoned our software and adopted something called
Ubuntu. Apparently, it uses all open standards so they can't be locked
in. It is free. and people can do whatever they want with it, Even copy
and give it away.

Bill: Freee???? What every they want??? They have to do what I want!

Executive 4: yes sir, umm... but apparently they think their computers
should do what they want instead, and they've all switched over before
we've even been able to release our next software with "Ultimate
Lockdown" (tm) They said something about it being for humans... then
they... uh... kicked me out

Bill: WHAT??!?!?

Executive 4: (aside) my backside still hurts

ANNOUNCER VOICE OVER: Ubuntu, Software for humans....
              Copy....
              share....
              enjoy....