How to be "polite"?

[Steve Alexander]

Hi Joel,

I admire your candour in asking about this on a public mailing list.  I
can give you some ideas about how to communicate better.  I think that's
just about on-topic for this mailing list.  But, details of your sex
life... definitely off topic.

> I think I have a big attitude problem that really bothers me alot, I
> always get in trouble with people, for example, when relatives came, and
> when I said something to them, it'll be devastating, even if it's the
> first thing I said the whole day. I say things just for fun and expect
> them to laugh, not to piss people off.

Sounds to me like you don't realize the difference between fun banter
and putting people down.

The difference is this: If I tease someone about something where they
are weak or self-conscious, then that is putting them down.  I can
expect them to feel bad, and to avoid me in the future.

On the other hand, if I joke with someone about something they do well,
something that is good about them and they know it, then both of us will
find it funny and it shows that I'm comfortable enough with them to
tease them.

I can see if I've gauged it right by the reaction I get.

-- 
Steve Alexander