[Ubuntu Oregon] Flyer nearing a wrap

Brian Murray brian at ubuntu.com
Fri Jun 29 14:41:19 UTC 2012


On Thu, Jun 28, 2012 at 06:25:15PM -0700, Benjamin Kerensa wrote:
> On 06/28/2012 04:31 PM, James Bradley wrote:
> >
> >On 06/28/2012 03:57 PM, Brian Murray wrote:
> >>On Wed, Jun 27, 2012 at 01:23:16PM -0700, James Bradley wrote:
> >>>Here's the latest iteration on the flyer project. At this point, unless
> >>>someone can provide more fodder for the verbiage or constructive ideas
> >>>about the layout, I'll just be making minor refinements from here on out.
> >>>
> >>>Please take a moment to review the publication; Scribus doesn't have a
> >>>spell or grammar checker so be on the lookout for typos or things that
> >>>don't read right. Any feedback is welcome.
> >>'remain committed to educating others' makes it sound like something
> >>happened and commitment wavered which I don't think is the case.  I'd
> >>just go with 'are committed'.
> >>
> >>'millions and millions' of people seems strange to me too.  I think
> >>millions gets the point across.
> >>
> >>The mention of Debian will be confusing for people just reading about
> >>Ubuntu for the first time.
> >>
> >>I believe page one capitalize Open Source and page two does not.
> >>
> >>There is a period after 'creative pursuits.' but the sentence carries
> >>on. much like this one.
> >>
> >>'hundreds of dollars just try something new' might be missing a 'to'.
> >>
> >>I might stick the contact information on both sides as I personally
> >>missed the url in the beginning and then at "the end" was wondering how
> >>to contact the team.
> >>
> >>Thanks it looks pretty neat!
> >>
> >>--
> >>Brian Murray
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Good points, Brian.
> >
> >The "remain" isn't mine; it's from existing materials. Ben, since
> >you're calling the shots, what do you think? If the point is to
> >underscore the commitment, perhaps the term "stand committed"
> >would serve better?
> Sounds nice.
> >
> >I struggled with the "millions and millions" myself, but just
> >"millions" seems too much an understatement, (and Carl Sagan said,
> >"billions and billions and billions"). How about "many millions",
> >(which might be construed as a overstatement, but what the heck)?
> Many millions or untold millions?

I think it is told but the number isn't very accurate and changes more
often than the flyer will.  Subsequently, I'd go with 'many millions' if
you want it to seem like lots of millions.

--
Brian Murray
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