[Ubuntu Oregon] Flyer nearing a wrap

[James Bradley]

On 06/28/2012 03:57 PM, Brian Murray wrote:
> On Wed, Jun 27, 2012 at 01:23:16PM -0700, James Bradley wrote:
>> Here's the latest iteration on the flyer project. At this point, unless
>> someone can provide more fodder for the verbiage or constructive ideas
>> about the layout, I'll just be making minor refinements from here on out.
>>
>> Please take a moment to review the publication; Scribus doesn't have a
>> spell or grammar checker so be on the lookout for typos or things that
>> don't read right. Any feedback is welcome.
> 'remain committed to educating others' makes it sound like something
> happened and commitment wavered which I don't think is the case.  I'd
> just go with 'are committed'.
>
> 'millions and millions' of people seems strange to me too.  I think
> millions gets the point across.
>
> The mention of Debian will be confusing for people just reading about
> Ubuntu for the first time.
>
> I believe page one capitalize Open Source and page two does not.
>
> There is a period after 'creative pursuits.' but the sentence carries
> on. much like this one.
>
> 'hundreds of dollars just try something new' might be missing a 'to'.
>
> I might stick the contact information on both sides as I personally
> missed the url in the beginning and then at "the end" was wondering how
> to contact the team.
>
> Thanks it looks pretty neat!
>
> --
> Brian Murray
>
>

Good points, Brian.

The "remain" isn't mine; it's from existing materials. Ben, since you're
calling the shots, what do you think? If the point is to underscore the
commitment, perhaps the term "stand committed" would serve better?

I struggled with the "millions and millions" myself, but just "millions"
seems too much an understatement, (and Carl Sagan said, "billions and
billions and billions"). How about "many millions", (which might be
construed as a overstatement, but what the heck)?

I believe the proper name of the event does include "Debian".
Personally, I feel giving Debian some credit is a good move politically.
The front of the flyer does try to address a more informed reader, while
the back is more for the newcomer. But what is the consensus?

"Open Source" on page two, now.

Preposition, "to", added to specified sentence.

Duplicated URL at end of "~ for Home" section.

Thanks, again, Brian.

JVLB

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://lists.ubuntu.com/archives/ubuntu-us-or/attachments/20120628/9e5d2cd8/attachment.html>