request for review of Ubuntu 8.04 LTS release announcement

[Duncan Lithgow]

On Wed, 2008-04-23 at 07:46 -0700, Steve Langasek wrote:
> Hi all,
> 
> Here is a draft for the Ubuntu 8.04 email announcement:
> 
>   https://wiki.ubuntu.com/HardyHeron/ReleaseAnnouncement
> 
> Please review and advise me (in cc:, please) of any problems.

* Why the strange language?

"Ubuntu 8.04 LTS (Long-Term Support) on desktop and server"
could read:
"Ubuntu 8.04 LTS (Long-Term Support) for desktops and servers"

and

"...supported for three years on the desktop and five years on the
server."
could read:
"...supported for three years on desktops and five years on servers."

These changes also reflect the way that 'About Ubuntu' is written
further down the page.

* "Ubuntu 8.04 LTS is also the basis for new 8.04..."
should read:
"Ubuntu 8.04 LTS is also the basis for the 8.04..."

* If we've changed the name then:
"8.04 also brings with it some changes to Edubuntu, now known as Ubuntu
Education Edition:" could be: "8.04 also brings with it some changes to
Ubuntu Education Edition (previously known as Edubuntu.)"

* I assume you know this link is not up yet:
http://www.ubuntu.com/getubuntu/releasenotes/804overview

* From 'About Ubuntu' install is not a noun, at least not for most people.
"...with a fast and easy install and regular releases."
could read:
"..with fast and easy installation and regular releases."

I hope that wasn't too much, I'm proud to be picky and think basic
language is important as many users do not have english as  their first
language, so unusual phrases and forms blur the meaning.

Duncan
-- 
Linux user: 372812 | GPG key ID: 21A8C63A | http://lithgow-schmidt.dk
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