request for review of Ubuntu 7.10 beta release notes

[stephen]

On Wed, 2007-09-26 at 18:19 -0700, Steve Langasek wrote:
> Hi all,
> 
> Thanks in large part to the work of Martin Pitt, release notes for the Gutsy
> Gibbon beta are now available in the wiki:
> 
>    https://wiki.ubuntu.com/GutsyGibbon/Beta
> 
> If anyone has time over the next few hours to review this web page for
> errors, having the additional eyeballs on it before the beta release
> tomorrow would be most welcome.
> 
Looks good, I only have three comments.

1.
"Head to the [WWW] AppArmor user guide to learn how to learn about this
new security feature."

I don't like the "learn how to learn" part, as it's a user guide maybe
this would be better.

"Head to the [WWW] AppArmor user guide to learn how to use this new
security feature."

3.
"The speed of LTSP thin clients has been greatly improved through the
use of compressed images, and LDM, the thin-client login manager
included in Edubuntu, also now has support for autologin, multiple
servers, and unencrypted graphics transport as an additional speed
boost."

That's all one sentence. It should be broken in two. I also think the
last part should be reworded. So how about the following instead?

"The speed of LTSP thin clients has been greatly improved through the
use of compressed images, and LDM. The thin-client login manager
included in Edubuntu also now has support for autologin, multiple
servers, and unencrypted graphics transport, which gives an additional
speed boost."

3. 
I don't like the use of serial commas, but I'm sure this has been
covered many times before.

Steve