Request for proofreading of release announcement mail

[Kyle Nitzsche]

Nice rewrite, and thanks for taking my suggestions into account.

I figure that "incredible" generally means "unbelievable," not  
"impressive," although that's the way it's used on the street.

Ubuntu doesn't actually have an unbelievable number of add-on apps,  
as impressive as the number is.

Which is why I suggested "wide range," although I acknowledge that's  
a bit fusty/stale/formal...

Cheers,
Kyle





On Oct 17, 2007, at 8:46 PM, Steve Langasek wrote:

> Hi Kyle,
>
> On Wed, Oct 17, 2007 at 10:08:49AM -0400, Kyle Nitzsche wrote:
>
>> That the distribution is free and open source isn't mentioned, and  
>> perhaps
>> a bit of verbiage to emphasize that this isn't bleeding edge/ 
>> untested stuff
>> but is a complete solution would be nice.
>
>> A few minor notes regarding the second paragraph:
>> --I'm not sure what a "tight selection" of applications means
>> --"with".. applications .. "included" seems a tad redundant
>> --"incredible variety" seems a little pat
>
>> So I propose a  slight rewording.
>
>> Current second paragraph:
>> "
>> Ubuntu is a Linux distribution for your desktop or server, with a  
>> fast
>> and easy install, regular releases, a tight selection of excellent
>> applications included, and an incredible variety of add-on software
>> available with a few clicks.
>> "
>> Proposed second paragraph:
>> "
>> Ubuntu is a free, full-featured Linux distribution for desktops  
>> and servers
>> that's been widely used in homes and businesses for years. It's  
>> quick and
>> easy to install and has regular updates. Ubuntu comes with a wide  
>> range of
>> top quality applications, with thousands more just a few clicks away.
>> Everything is open source and free and will remain that way.
>> "
>
> I would shy away from referring to it as "free" here; while I think  
> we can
> all agree that this is a true statement, I think that because  
> restricted is
> integrated by default, saying so in this manner will unnecessarily  
> expose us
> to criticism from some quarters of being deliberately  
> disingenuous.  The
> freeness of Ubuntu is already covered less ambiguously in the press  
> releases
> linked from this announcement, and people subscribed to ubuntu- 
> announce
> presumably already have some idea what Ubuntu is, so I would prefer  
> to leave
> that point as-is for the present.
>
> As far as patness goes, I'm not sure that "widely used" is any less  
> pat than
> "incredible variety". :)  And as the existing patness has probably  
> had a few
> more marketing eyes on it (having been used in past release  
> announcements),
> I would rather not change it at the last minute without more support.
>
> How about this?
>
>   Ubuntu is a full-featured Linux distribution for desktops and  
> servers,
>   with a fast and easy install and regular releases.  A tightly- 
> integrated
>   selection of excellent applications is included, and an  
> incredible variety
>   of additional software is just a few clicks away.