Apple to copyright individual letters

[Basil Chupin]

STEVE Jobs has announced his intention to trademark the alphabet.

At a state of the art press conference, the overpriced geegaw 
obergruppenfuhrer pledged to start with the letter 'a' and hopes to have 
all the vowels protected by 2015.

Once all the letters of the alphabet have been secured the company will 
then move on to punctuation and eventually gain control of all numerals 
between 0 and 9 and any others that you may be hiding somewhere.

Jobs said: "I© lo©o©k fo©rwa©rd to© the© da©y a©ll se©nte©nce©s lo©o©k 
li©ke© thi©s.

"The day we copyright the copyright sign is going to be an interesting 
one and may give us a glimpse into what infinity looks like. Wow."

Before moving onto vowels, Apple's first legal battle will be against 
the unknown composer of the 8th century poem /Beowulf/ in a test case to 
prove the company has intellectual property rights over the letter 'f', 
most commonly used in the familiar Apple phrases 'F*** me, have you seen 
the price of this f***er?' and 'F***ing useless f***ing iPhone fiddly 
f***ing thing'.

Copyright expert Wayne Hayes said: "Because the composer of /Beowulf/ is 
unknown and it is thus ascribed as a folk poem, the entire 
English-speaking world is jointly and equally the subject of the lawsuit.

"If successful, the company will be able to file for damages against 
about 440 million people and if anybody tells Apple to 'f*** off' they 
will be liable for three times the damages."

Jobs confirmed that service of the court papers will be completed via 
page 28 of the new iTunes user agreement update later today and has 
advised people to start learning Welsh in preparation for a vowel-free 
existence.


http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/apple-to-copyright-individual-letters-201103233655/

-- 
"Aaah....another pointless day when I've achieved nothing."
                   Bender, Futurama.

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