Microsoft Offers Students Cut-Price Infuriating Crap ('story' 1st published 18-09-09)

[Michael Haney]

On Wed, Mar 9, 2011 at 10:50 PM, Basil Chupin <blchupin at iinet.net.au> wrote:
> STUDENTS can have Windows 7 irritate the shit out of them for a reduced fee
> of £30, Microsoft has announced.
>
> The offer is a massive reduction on the standard £80 price tag, but with the
> same range of state-of-the-art features specifically designed to send you
> hurtling towards the very brink of violent insanity.
>
> The company said the operating system will be ready to download from 22
> October and after clicking through all the user agreements and restarting
> your system 85 times it should be ready to install unsuccessfully by
> Christmas.
>
> A Microsoft spokesman said: "This is a great opportunity for young people to
> claw at their skulls and scream 'no, no, no, I do not want to load any more
> f*****g updates, you utterly horrifying box full of evil' while trying to
> arrange cups of coffees and study sessions with their new college pals."
>
> The company insisted the offer was a 'helping hand to our next generation of
> leaders in tough economic times' while industry analysts said it was
> obviously nothing more than Microsoft's last, desperate attempt to stop
> Google from culling it like a fattened pig.
>
> Windows 7 has been introduced after Microsoft admitted its Vista operating
> system was a 'less good product' in what IT experts have described as the
> most ambitious understatement since the captain of the Titanic reported some
> slightly damp tablecloths.
>
> IT consultant, Charlie Reeves, added: "Vista was 'less good' in the same way
> being tortured for three months in Abu Ghraib is 'less good' than a Belgian
> three-way with Scarlett Johansson and Lindsay Lohan."
>
> Meanwhile first year student Nathan Muir said: "My degree involves desktop
> publishing, spreadsheets and multimedia presentations, so I'm really looking
> forward to a hopeless series of meaningless error messages before crying
> myself to sleep every night."
>
> http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/business/microsoft-offers-students-cut%11price-infuriating-crap-200909182075/
>

*wipes tears from eyes*

OMG!  This was the most incredible thing I've ever read.  This belongs
in the New York Times.  The way you hit the truth on the head like an
angry anime schoolgirl with an exaggeratedly over-sized wooden mallet
in an anti-pervert berserker rage was just pure awesome.

*bows down*

We are not worthy!  We are not worthy!

-- 
Michael "TheZorch" Haney
"The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking
of morality by religion." ~ Arthur C. Clarke
"The suppression of uncomfortable ideas may be common in religion and
politics, but it is not the path to knowledge, and there is no place
for it in the endeavor of science. " ~ Carl Sagan

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