Microsoft snatches publicity crown from Ubuntu Linux

[Ari Torhamo]

That was funny indeed, thanks for posting :-)

Ari


to, 2009-04-23 kello 01:49 +0100, David Gerard kirjoitti:
> BOLGIA 10, Redmond, Thursday (NNN) — In a stunning public relations
> coup, Microsoft Corporation (NASDAQ: MNPLY) has successfully
> overshadowed today’s release of Ubuntu Linux 9.04 “Jaunty Jubblies” by
> announcing its failed financials for a fourth quarter in a row and
> laying even more people off.
> 
> Microsoft announced new, expanded roles for key executives as several
> lesser, losing quitters deserted upper management. “It shows the
> fantastic opportunity available to everyone at Microsoft to climb
> seven or eight reporting levels up the org chart,” said marketing
> marketer Steve Ballmer to pitchfork-wielding Wall Street analysts
> today. “If we haven’t laid them off for making too much money or not
> kissing enough ass.”
> 
> The Yahoo! deal is expected to go ahead. “We figure they’ll go broke
> before we do. Probably.” Mr Ballmer also plans to run the Yahoo!
> servers on Windows NT rather than FreeBSD after a similar change
> worked so well after Microsoft’s purchase of Hotmail. “Some say
> synergy’s another word for two plus two equals one, but you just have
> to make the value of one work for you.”
> 
> Windows 7 betas have been greeted with remarkable positive press. “The
> betas preview the ‘champagne and hookers’ edition, which would be way
> too much for netbooks and explode users’ brains. Imagine thinking
> those little things are computers! So we’re releasing what we call
> Windows 7 ‘Dumbass Edition.’ It lets you log in and look at the shiny.
> The new WordPad includes the ribbon toolbar! So does Spider Solitaire!
> And you can buy an upgrade! It lets you do that!”
> 
> However, Microsoft has indicated to its press corps, Microsoft
> Completely Enderlependent Analysts, to ixnay on the evensay and
> highlight the job openings for work on Windows 8, which will be
> optimised for low-end 32-core systems with 16 gigabytes of memory — 28
> cores for the interface, 3 cores for the DRM and one core for
> everything else. “Seven is just so this year. I hear they’ll get
> $DATABASE_FILESYSTEM done next release for sure!” said ZDNet marketing
> marketer Mary-Jo Enderle. “It’ll be awesome™!”
> 
> “I’m sure it’ll be fine, fine,” said Bill Gates, upping his hours at
> his charitable foundation and scheduling the sale of several more
> packages of Microsoft stock.
> 
> Larry Ellison of Oracle, who recently purchased Sun Microsystems,
> merely snickered, muttered “Java. OpenOffice.” and let out a long and
> resounding laugh.
> 
> Mark Shuttleworth of Canonical, speaking from his castle on a crag
> high on a mountaintop in west London, was sanguine at Ubuntu’s news
> being overshadowed. “I lost ten million dollars on Ubuntu last year.
> I’m losing ten million dollars on Ubuntu this year. I expect to lose
> ten million dollars on Ubuntu next year. At this rate, I’ll be broke
> in … fifty years.”
> 
> (originally posted at
> http://notnews.today.com/2009/04/22/microsoft-snatches-publicity-crown-from-ubuntu-linux/
> )
> 
> 
> - d.
>